New Series

Caves and Twins: The Wedding of River Song

A massive escape act required from Moffat for the whole thing not to feel like a massive cheat…

The sixth season finally limps across the finishing line with a few years’ worth of back story to bring to a conclusion and a massive escape act required from Moffat for the whole thing not to feel like a massive cheat.

So was it as bad as every season finisher?


Texting and scones – A funny line that kind of defines the eleventh Doctor and Smith portrayal

Time Crash – Nice conceit, fairly well pulled off.

The Brig – Lovely tribute to Nick Courtney that worked really well in the story

Live chess – I just like these throwaway quirks that make the Doctor Who universe feel just that; something beyond a South London estate and the odd trip to Europe.

Dorium – A character I like.


Cheat – I had a lengthy whinge about the ‘not dying’ thing the new series has done to, er, death before Season Six started – and complained that they were building up the Doctor’s death before the start of it when it was patently clear that this was going to be another cheat. Which it was.

What’s more the second they showed the Teselecta in the recap – in the first few seconds – it was horribly clear how the cheat was going to be perpetrated. I’ve lost count of the ‘didn’t die’ swerves in this series – there’ve been so many there are numerous theories floating around the web as to how Rory and Amy don’t really exist, so often have they been killed off.

The Eleventh Doctor has, by my reckoning, died four times already. It’s lazy; it’s manipulative; it’s cynical; it’s deeply tiresome. Stop it, now.

Love saves the day – Or a kiss. Once again we have a ‘kiss/love saves the day’ conclusion to a story. Boring.

Amy machine-gunning the Silence/Silents – That just seemed wrong

River Song – I assume River’s story has come to an end now. I do hope so, anyway.

Arc – I did not enjoy this story arc. Perhaps I will if I ever buy the box-set and watch eight episodes a nigh, which seems to be how people watch TV series these days. But less than half way through I found it boring and distracting. The Silence, the Flesh, the Eyepatches. They bored me.

I don’t know what to make of this series, beyond the fact that it didn’t do it for me. Moffat’s writing seemed to be tied up in knots throughout; shedding casual viewers here and there and even alienating the fanbase to some degree.

A giant story arc should never be attempted again; splitting the season should never be attempted again; teasing lead characters’ deaths and then not delivering should never have been done in the first place. River needs to be gone once and for all. The Doctor should not be a God or a lonely emo or a mighty warrior or River’s Love of Life.

Please let Doctor Who be small, offbeat, funny, scary and unique again. It’s surely no coincidence that the best episodes this season – The Doctor’s Wife and The Girl WHo Waited spring to mind were exactly that.

If I wanted the FBI, Roswell aliens, conspiracy theories, interminable arcs and heaps of portentous bullshit I’d watch The X-Files, Lost or half a dozen other US sci-fi imports. And there’s nothing wrong with any of them (well, most of them), but they’re not Doctor Who.

Which is, when you think about it, the point.

• Caves and Twins? What are you dribbling on about?

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