Probic Vent Ood for thought.

30Sep/120

Caves and Twins: The Angels Take Manhattan

So, for the 433rd time in the new series of Doctor Who, someone was definitely going to die. They didn't, of course, just as they never have; just as we never believed they would.

I've complained before that the habit of Moffatt and RTD of teasing deaths, then backing out of it with a big emotional pay-off in the hope that no-one would notice, was drawing diminishing returns and weakening the satisfaction that these stories deliver.

That's perhaps why the departure of the Ponds – two companions I'll genuinely miss, played by two actors who really seemed to get their roles – didn't have the emotional impact that it should have.

Because we've been cheated, misdirected, swerved and conned so often over the last few years that there's no faith in the production team – Moffatt is most guilty of this as a writer – not to simply defy the internal logic of the show.

People will argue that complaining about a show like Doctor Who not making sense is willfully obtuse. "It's a show about a time traveller in a police box – of course it doesn't make sense!," they cry.

Needless to say, this is either a disingenuous or a genuinely stupid line of reasoning. Of course Doctor Who is a show that has departed quite significantly from reality; we shouldn't hold its observation of reality to the same standards as those for Holby City, but when programmes stop making sense according to their own established rules they lose their impact, their agency, their reason to exist.

The new series of Doctor Who has been predicated on emotion, by both Davies and Moffatt. I've no real complaint about that either, though I think it's been rather over-egged. My chief problem is that the narratives that spawn the emotion are overthrown, ignored or cancelled out again and again.

The result is the boy who cried bad wolf. You simply don't believe what you're told; what you're shown. Even when apparently final something happens – a companion dies, leaves or is lost to a dimensional macguffin – we don't really believe it.

When Doctors and companions die again and again and again we simply don't buy it, so there's no meaningful emotional pay-off when it happens. We're inured to it and have been taught to disbelieve what we're told by the successive show-runners.

I guess that's why I didn't really feel especially sad when the Ponds departed, even though I think they were easily the best-drawn characters of the new series. I'm conditioned to expect a swerve, to suspect a cheat, to feel like I'm being fooled.

The fact that the Ponds' consignment to history and a life without the Doctor didn't really stand up to scrutiny either didn't make help. Couldn't the Doctor just go back to Boston and get a train? Why does seeing a grave or reading a book mean that time can't be changed? Within the confines of The Angels Take Manhattan it may be established that time can't be changed, but narrative rules have been chucked in the bin so often over the last seven years that these arbitrary rules don't seem to mean much anyway.

Time can be rewritten. Death has no sting. The irrevocable becomes... revocable. It's possible to overlook this from time to time, but when it comes to default setting for a series it's hard to invest much emotion in it.

So, while I enjoyed The Angels Take Manhattan, with its spooky cherubs and dashes of timey-wimey-ness (although thoroughly nonsensical, as it seemed to me), the Moff's sparkling dialogue and the performances of all concerned - it simply didn't amount to that much by me.

Doctor Who has become something that's gratifying in a fairly shallow, instantaneous way. Not because of the dearth of strong characterisation, performances or (occasionally) some clever scripts.

Because the rules of Doctor Who, the rules of honest narrative and internal logic, have been stripped away to the point where it becomes impossible to invest anything more than the most scant care over what is happening and to whom.

As a result, what should have been a devastating climax to the episode felt like the latest in a long line of false endings. That, for me, is the inevitable result of the deliberately tricky, breakneck, crash-bang, watch-the-birdie style of storytelling that RTD and Moffatt adopted by relentlessly upping the ante and relying on ersatz emotion to paper over the cracks.

Doctor Who works when viewers can suspend their disbelief; where River's confusing timeline, the apparently arbitrary nature of what can and can't be done within the laws of time and causality and the difficulty in believing that the Ponds have actually gone for good can be ignored in favour of the whole. I think the series is now reaping the whirlwind; as a result I'm finding it hard to believe in Doctor Who, or care about it.

The Angels Take Manhattan fails, not because of the story itself, but because of the previous seven years.

Caves

The setting - Manhattan looked great and Moffatt made better use of it than previous foreign excursions had.

The tone - The noirish/gothic atmosphere and devices were a nice tic that worked well in relation to the story.

Performances and characterisation - Even River was less smug in this one. As ever, Arthur Darvill imbues Rory with genuine character, believable emotion and makes him perhaps the best companion of the new series.

Fear factor - The Angels are clearly far and away the best monsters to come from the new series; they're novel, imaginative and very frightening. The addition of the giggling, cherubic Angels was another sinister aspect to these monsters.

Big screen moments - I'm fairly non-plussed by the 'film poster' idea as it's turned out mostly underwhelming episodes in this odd series. But moments like the Statue Of Liberty as an Angel, even though it doesn't hold up the slightest scrutiny, and the baby Angel blowing out Rory's match worked well as iconic moments.

Angel food - I liked the conceit of the Angels farming humans, with Battery Park as a kind of rest home for zapped victims.

Twins

Timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly - Previoulsy I thought Moffatt's time-travel tricksiness was well worked out, but this time there was too much that didn't seem to make any sense to me. Moff's stories always seemed to have more care lavished on them when RTD was show-runner; nowadays he seems to be employing some of RTD's less desirable tricks to bring confusing stories to a conclusion; here the timey-wimey stuff just seemed to serve to create a dramatic conclusion – and it didn't really stand up for me.

River - River's timeline doesn't seem to make the slightest sense to me any more. Beyond that I don't really like the character. She was written as much less smug this time around, but I'm not sure this character has ever been likable, sympathetic or especially interesting.

Won't Get Fooled Again - As mentioned above at length, the cumulative impact of several years of dishonest writing and media chuntering robbed the Ponds of their deserved exit.

The Ponds' exit - In many ways this was a nice conclusion to their story but, aside from all the dubious logic of it I thought there was a stronger ending that had been teased in previous weeks, with its origins in The Time Of Angels. The suggestion was that Amy would turn into an Angel in this episode and, while that was perhaps never a realistic alternative, I think it a much stronger one.

Direction - Some great moments here, but somehow the way Rory and Amy eventually departed didn't seem quite right; like an amusing punch-line delivered with timing that's slightly off.

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29May/110

Caves and Twins: The Almost People

The Almost People - the second part to Doctor Who's take on The Thing, or Battlestar Galactica - or whatever.

Last week had some strong elements and a good cliffhanger, but it was all a little bit messy and confusing, like much of this series.

There were hints that something big was going to happen in this episode to set up next week's mid-season finale, so are we going to start getting some answers?

Would we get Battlestar Galactica or, er, Battlestar Galactica?

Caves

I though the performances were generally up on last week, with some of the humans/gangers becoming recognisable characters.

Smith Docs - I enjoyed the interplay between the two and Smith's performances - as well as the Doctor being at the centre of the story.

Climax - Obviously something involving Amy - and perhaps Rory too was coming - but this was a great shock pulled off with style by Moffatt.

Twins

CGI - CGI is always bloody awful. The scene with the discarded flesh - a scenes that should have been a powerful moment - was just embarrassing in how poor the effects were and the Jenny Monster was another tiresome revisitation of the Utterly Terrible New Series CGI Monster.

Jenny - An annoying and not believable character not portrayed especially well.

Characters acting out of character - In stories where plotting struggles characters begin to act out of a necessity to drive the plot along rather than believable motives. Rory's behaviour was pretty unfathomable in this one - as was some of the Doctors'. Which leads us to...

Noble self-sacrifices - see above. Another familiar Nu series meme.

Smiths - While Smith did well in both parts it was horribly confusing to try and follow who was who (ahem). THis seemed to pay off in the climax, but if the two Doctors had swapped immediately then why was the real Doctor trying to strangle Amy?

Killing Amy - Didn't the Doctor creaming Amy (!) negate the moral core of the previous 90 minutes? Arguably the flesh Amy (!) was simply an avatar rather than a sentient ganger, but it was another muddled point that didn't come off well under analysis.


There was a lot wrong with this, but I still quite enjoyed it. It felt rather unlike any previous Doctor Who - and change is generally to be welcomed.

I'm still unsure about the series arc and the wisdom of leaving so many baffling answer hanging in the air and this story itself was quite hard to follow and didn't really add up.

Still, another intriguing twist in what's looking like the strangest series yet of Doctor Who. Let's hope it all adds up in the end.

8May/110

Caves and Twins: Curse of the black spot

NB. No Caves and Twins for last week's concluding part to the season opener as yet, largely because I still don't know what to make of it

When I saw the trailer for this week's episode, which is called Curse of the Black Pirates of the Caribbean, or something, I hoped that it wasn't going to be an episode I could pretty much envisage in about three seconds with little more than a passing thought.

Doctor Who meets pirates is only a novel and exciting idea if you're about four years old or a 50-year-old show-runner with two spots in the new block to fill.

The whole genre is so familiar and over-ripe that it can't possibly avoid falling into a wretched pastiche, like a join-the-dot 'scripting for dummies' guide connecting cutlasses, planks, sirens, sharks and sirens to one another

Still, this is what we got this week. So was it Captain Pugwash or Captain Jack Sparrow?

Caves

Production values - Costumes, sets, dressing. The BBC doing what it does best (I understand it was filmed on location. Eh?).

Hugh Bonneville - Played it straight, unlike everyone else

The sci-fi bit - Hardly novel, but some nice coma-inspired visuals and the story was dying on its arse by the end of the second act.

Twins

Amy can sword fight better than pirates - and goes to the bother of putting on a stupid costume. Not even RTD would have pulled that nonsense with this beloved Wose.

Murray Gold's terrible music - Any story that relies some of Murray's patented Hollywood chintzgasm saccharine is in trouble from the get-go. Although that idea that it might send people to sleep seems amusing, it seems more likely that it would make them throw up a little in their mouths.

Toby=Adric

Captain banter - Whose is bigger, whose is better? Tedious.

Shover me hearties - Unfunny, self-satisfied, 'look-at-us-aren't-we-clever-doing-these-hoary-old-dialogue-cliches?' dialogue.

Rory dies #533 - Seriously, how many times has Arthur Darvill had to play a death scene now? And why can't The Doctor do CPR? Manipulative, nonsensical tosh.

Story arc stuff - Already irritating

In the latest DWM, Moffat reveals that the author of this episode pestered him for ages to be allowed to write an episode. Why, then, turn in 30 minutes of the most hackneyed drivel seen this side of Vampires of Venice followed by a pot pourri of Moffat greatest hits?

Doctor Who has always done pastiche, but here it just felt lazy. Things got a tad more interesting when the spaceship turned up, but then it turned into a Moffat pastiche. Weird.

This has been an extraordinary start to the series, but I'm afraid I've not been convinced by it at all thus far. And while I hated many of RTD's efforts, and other stories on his watch, I never really felt nonplussed by it - until now.

Is the show-runner doing too much? Is Who fatigue setting in? Has The Moff misjudged his Nu Who a tad? Or am I just being a miserable bugger? Tune in next week...

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12Apr/111

Those Doctor Who deaths in full

So, Steven Moffat has been busy teasing the new series of Doctor Who with the claim that someone among the main cast will kark it bigstyle. Ooh! Who will it be?

Well, if the previous six years are anything to go by, it won't be anyone. So often has death been teased, both within the show and by production members, that it's turned into the boy who cried Bad Wolf.

I don't see this is the innocent bit of fun it might otherwise be portrayed as, because every time someone says 'X is definitely going to die' then gets out of it with a silly swerve or bit of magic fairy dust it rather damages the credibility of the show.

Which is why Iraise a bit of an eyebrow at Moffat's claims this time. What's it going to be? River Song regenerates? The Doctor dies but is brought back to life by Amy's lust monster? Rory dies but becomes a Yeti? Amy 'dies' because she's technically listed as 'dead' in some official sodding records?

I suspect this time one of the four main cast is about to shuffle off their mortal coil, with no cheats or comebacks. But even that will be reduced by the many, many 'dies and then comes back to life' or 'doesn't die in first place' tricks the show has pulled on us of late.

Think I'm overdoing it? Well have a butchers at the list below. You'll die laughing. Or not.

Doctor Who undead list

Season 1
Jack
Jack gets exterminated
Result: Didn't die

Season 2
Rose
"This is the story of how I died"
Result: Didn't die

Season 3
Jack
Electrocuted. Dies
Result: Doesn't die

Season 3
Jack
Shot. Dies
Result: Doesn't die

Season 3
The Master
Refuses to regenerate. Dies.
Result: Doesn't die

Xmas special
Astrid
Falls down liftshaft, or something. Dies
Result: Doesn't die

Season 4
The Doctor
Massive regeneration tease: "I'm regenerating!"
Result: Didn't regenerate

Season 4
Donna
"There's something on your back" "I'm sorry, you're going to die"
Result: Didn't die

Season 5
Rory
Zapped by old woman's breath. Dies.
Result: didn't die.

Season 5
Rory
Shot by Silurians, dies
Result: Didn't die

Season 5
Amy
Shot by Auton Rory, dies
Result: Didn't die

Season 5
The Doctor
Gets exterminated. Dies. Dies in some sort of sun + end of universe + beginning of time cataclysm
Result: Didn't die

You can have The Daleks too, since the very last Dalek seems to die every single story they're in, although that always seemed to be true of the Master and the Daleks in the good old days too.

Hat-tip: Hellyer

5Jul/100

Caves and Twins: Series Fnarg

So that was Series Five. Or Series 31. Or Series One. Or Series Chin, whatever you want to call it.

The stakes were high, with news that filming was overrunning horribly, Matt Smith was crap and kept forgetting his lines, Karen Gillan was 'wooden' and Phil Collinson had been called back in to sort the whole mess out.

We won't reveal our sources, although it seems entirely likely that pretty much everyone in fandom knows where they came from, but let's just say there was an element of fear going into Series Fnarg.

And how wrong we all were eh? Chief among this wrongness were the rumours that Smith was crap. In fact, it's hard to imagine this being any further off the mark.

Matt Smith is wonderful, and his gentler, more alien, Doctor is perfect for Moffatt's 'fairytale' Doctor Who. The whole tone of this series feels a more comfortable place for Doctor Who, and the Doctor, to be than Russell T Davies' iteration - which was a series of ever-decreasing circles by the time the excellent David Tennant went, though his Doctor was not highly-liked in these parts.

It seemed almost unthinkable that the series, and Smith, could carry on where RTD and Tennant left off, but a fairly hefty shift in tone and pace and lead character has made it all look rather effortless.

For the first time in quite a while, the series felt much more Who than it had in a long time. Smith may just be the best Doctor... ever.

But while all the big things got sorted out, the parts that made up the whole didn't always feel right. Murray Gold's presence dragged the series back to a RTD vibe, and his syrupy/BOMBASTIC! style took away a lot of the nuances of the new series.

More bizarre still were some of the author/story choices. Toby Whithouse and Chris Chibnall delivered exactly what their previous stories suggested they'd deliver - utterly underwhelming stories that felt like a throwback to a couple of years ago.

Against rather lovely oddities like Amy's Choice, Vincent and the Doctor and The Lodger, they felt jarring in their straight-forward simplicity.

Mark Gatiss' Victory of the Daleks was, by all accounts, rather hacked to death in the editing suites and the end result was, frankly, a mess.

And stepping up to show-runner certainly sapped Moffatt's brilliance, with the slapdash The Beast Below and breakneck incoherence of The Big Bang.

There were no new, interesting monsters. In fact, the closest thing we got were the rubbish new Daleks. We had to put up with CGI thing hiding inside humans on at least three occasions, and the limits of the budget were evident in The Pandorica Opens when it turned out the Fucking Sycorax and the Fucking Weevils were in on the intergalactic plan to put the Doc away for good.

Still, Moffat handled the Autons and the Cybermen ten times better than RTD ever did - another subtle difference to the approach the two brought to the series.

And yet, funnily enough, it didn't really matter to me. The series felt fresh and fun. The Doctor seemed like, well, The Doctor. And Amy was breath of fresh air; a believable, volatile girl who didn't love her favourite Time Lord.

She may have had a slightly less healthy obsession with him, but inter-personal angst was banished from the TARDIS forever - 'I'm not that clingy!' seemed like a great riposte to the years of Marf and Wose.

Arthur Darvill's Rory eventually eclipsed the 'emasculated male' cipher that's been the default setting for most recurring male characters in the new series to become a rounded companion in his own right.

And, always at the centre of it, was Matt Smith. It's interesting to note that most new Doctors come into the role praising Patrick Troughton, and Smith took it a step further.

Watch him running - it's a straight lift from the Second Doctor. And he's always doing something with his hands - First Doctor? There's a bit of Four, Five and Eight in there too by our reckoning.

Not that The Eleventh Doctor is a pastiche; Smith has brought something new to the role again, and emphatically made it his own. He's a perfect choice.

So, series thingummy. A hearty slap on the back from us, and the best TARDIS crew in ages. No doubt tweaks will be made for next season.

Probic Vent demands Zygons and Yeti and the Dream Lord and a past Doctor and The Brigadier. And a remake of The Horror of Fang Rock. Simple enough eh? Oh yeah, and STOP RUINING OLD MONSTERS!

• Here's an end-of-season C&T for the series.

Caves

 

The Eleventh Hour - Fresh, fun and firmly established Smith as something new and interesting

Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone - A home run from Moffat, with plenty of twists and turns and great monstering

Amy's Choice - Offbeat and enjoyable - an episode that seems unthinkable under RTD.

Vincent and the Doctor - Intriguing, if cloying

The Lodger - Would have been horrible with Tennant. Good with Smith.

The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang - Absolute gibberish, but wins points for not having thousands of cloned Sontarans invading the Taj Mahal and Eiffel Tower. Magic Light and Power of Love notwithstanding.

Twins

 
The Beast Below - Too many elements that didn't seem to add up.

Victory of the Daleks - A horrible mess, and shit new Daleks. Almost saved by performances, but not quite.

Vampires of Venice - Dull filler

Hungry Earth/Cold Blood - Dull Chibnall filler that fluffed one of the most interesting premises in Who mythology.

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29Jun/101

Caves and Twins: The Big Bang

Confusing, exploding, emoting, deus ex-ing - The Big Bang was a rebooted Doctor Who end-of-series episode alright.

But was it, umm, any good, or was it as ultimately unsatisfying as all of the others?

Caves

 
Smith - magical and alien and brilliant

Gillen - Sassy and scared and screwed-up. Adorable.

Rory - An excellent male companion, who's more daffy-but-resourceful Harry Sullivan now, rather than a another castrated idiot man.

Smith's bedside soliloquy - Rather sums up the Eleventh Doctor and Matt Smith's performance - both note perfect

The wedding - Good entrance

Twins

 
Love saves the day - As long as you remember someone, they come back to life? Whatever.

Magic light - The light from the Pandorica brings people back to life? And jump starts the second big bang, or something.
 

 

Where is thy sting? - The Doctor dies and comes back to life. Amy dies and comes back to life. Over the course of this series Rory has died and come back to life. At least twice.

Wibbly wobbly timey wimey - Getting a bit samey wamey now

Murray Gold - Time for a regeneration

Despite all the bollocks about people coming back to life and the big fat reset switch, so beloved of RTD, and now seemingly an inescapable feature of all Doctor Who, it was pretty enjoyable.

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31May/102

Caves and Twins: Cold Blood

The second half of Chibnall's Silurian two-parter, which has referenced half the Pertwee era thus far, had to pull it out of the bag rather to improve on the disappointing The Hungry Earth. So, was it a pretty Okdel, or was the whole thing a pile of Icthar?

Caves

 

All the regular were excellent

Kiling of Rory - brave and unexpected

The return of the crack - Just when you that particular arc had been magicked away

The shrapnel - An intriguing lead in to the climax of this season

Twins

 
Most of the guest cast. Pretty poor, in my opinion.

The plot - Earth Reptile Plot Number One gets yet another run out

Silurian redesign - Sorry to be a bore on this, but it was totally uninspired. Straight out of the TNG/DS9/Voyager monster make-up book. Humans with masks on.

Murray Gold's music - Back to intrusive, bombastic and totally lacking in subtlety

Loose ends - I expect things like the wedding ring and the future Rory and Amy will pay off in the future, but what about the little kid's dyslexia? Seemingly deliberately flagged up, only to be abandoned. Or did I miss something?

All in all, Cold Blood was OK, but the two-parter as a whole felt like marking time until the last ten minutes.

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